The Two Of Us

Author: Joe Still

As we pass through the tunnel of time, we inevitably come to our change moments.  A breakup.  A death. A public embarrassment.  It’s these unexpected incidents that push us to the times when we find ourselves standing egoless at the alter of our own humility.  These are the moments when we step back, examine, and make difficult decisions.  When they’ve happened for me, I’ve left knowing that the story of my life is a book of pages written about moments, memories, and decisions.  While all three are interdependent, it’s our decisions that have the most influence over our story.  So I made a decision today to unpack the notion of decisions – their speed, their battle, and offer a few tips that might just help you deal with yours.  Decisions are a huge topic that I could parse a million ways and write volumes.  But it’s Sunday, it’s summer, and you probably have better things to do.

So today let’s begin by juxtaposing two aspects of decisions you may have never considered: the speed and the battle.

The Speed of Decision
Some people make decisions slowly; it’s just how they are.  Let me say that one more time for you hurry it up types in the room:  it’s just how they are.  You’re not going to change them, and they usually can’t change it even if they wanted to.  Think about software for a minute:  you can’t do number calculations with Word and you can’t edit photos in Excel.  But maybe you want to break the glass ceiling.  Maybe you think you’re the one who can change it all and get them to do what you think they should.  So you start.  And you really, really, really try.  But it doesn’t work so well.  So you try harder, because you know you’re right.  Eventually your relationship just becomes a lot of fighting and hurt feelings.  You curse and you swear at them and you might even talk about them behind their back.  You might even threaten to leave them if they don’t conform to your desires.  But still, they don’t change.  Word is for words and Excel is for numbers.  They’re really good at what they do, but it’s who they are, and they can’t be and do something they’re not.  The truth is, if you’re trying to get a slow decision maker to make a quick decision it probably isn’t going to work.  Lean into it as hard as you can, but in the end you’ll probably just end up fighting, being frustrated, and maybe even breaking up.  I know it’s happened to me and maybe it has to you too.  But when I was in one of my own serendipitous moments, I realized something that changed everything.  And that was the battle.

The Battle
Making a decision, especially a quick one, is really a kind of battle we have inside ourselves.  It’s the battle of our two selves: our mental self and our emotional self.  You’ve fought the battle, we all have, but what you may not have noticed is that the mental self decides much faster than the emotional one.  Give your mental self some sound advice, back it up with some simple data, add a dose of common sense, and in a matter of seconds – poof.  The jury of your mental self has deliberated and rendered its verdict.  You have your answer and you know what to do next.

But you don’t.

Examples of this are all around us.  You’re fat and you now you should eat less, but you don’t.  You really should jump on the bike, but the idea of exercise tires you.  Quitting smoking?  You can a list all of the obvious reasons, but also come up with just as many to keep lighting up those delicious little seducers. And that toxic relationship you’re in?  You know you should run fast and far, but there you are and there you stay.  You have all of the information, all of the data, and all of the reasons you could possibly ever need.  You know what you need to do.

But still, you don’t.

Weird, right?  Maybe this has happened to you, and maybe you’ve found yourself in a conversation with a trusted friend who asks you “why” but all you can say is, “I don’t know”.  Well, here’s the deal and it’s actually pretty simple:  it’s not your mental self that does the deciding, it’s your emotional one, and the reason you haven’t done what you know you should do is that your emotional self isn’t there yet.  It’s still processing, or making excuses, or it just hasn’t felt enough pain yet (which is usually the case).  If you’re lucky enough to find yourself in a moment with a trusted friend who calls you on your shit, your emotional self usually replies by rolling out the excuses and justifiers.  “Just one more.”  “I’ll start tomorrow.”  “Maybe it’s not really that bad.”  This works for a while, but it usually just taps the brakes on the inevitable.  Eventually the hangover of self-hate comes.  And then the cycle begins again.

The Giddyup
If all of this “two self” stuff has you feeling a bit schizophrenic, you’re probably not (at least not because of this), but you should find peace is knowing that this is just what goes on in humans and we all deal with it in varying degrees.  If you feel stuck, my suggestion would be to start with something called the “Law of Results” which simply states that if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always gotten.  And of course, there’s its corollary, the “Definition of Crazy”.  But whichever manash you prefer, if you want something different, you must first be open to a new strategy.

Let’s finish this up with a few thoughts on how to get your emotional self on the giddyup.

1. Get Support
If you’re reading this right now chances are very, very good that you’re human.  And as humans we need each other.  Get support.  Pick people you trust and listen to what they say.  Your mental self probably already knows most of it, but sometimes we just need to hear what we already know from someone else.

2. Imagine
Imagination is the realm of change agents in our world from Ghandi to Lennon and Jobs to Bezos.  Imagination has created everything around you right now – all of it.  But imagination is akin to a muscle.  It doesn’t just “exist”.  You have to exercise it.  Work it out.  Make it hurt a little.  Imagine what your life will be like in your future if actually make the decision you need to make.   And then imagine what it will be like if you don’t.

3.  Embrace your Pain
Most of us run away from pain.  We shouldn’t.  Pain is the domain of the emotional self and harnessed correctly, it’s the only mechanism we can use to affect change.  As I’ve told audiences over and over (and over and over and over), we humans will do more to avoid pain than seek pleasure.  If you want to kick your emotional self in the ass so that you can actually make the decision you know you need to make, go deep and associate a lot of pain to your current situation.  If you hate yourself enough, you’ll do something about it.  I know it sounds weird, but it really does work.

4. Limit Your Data
Slow decision makers often dive deep into the pool of data.  Data matters, but not as a form of camouflage.  Approach data with a Goldilocks mentality: not too much, not too little, just right.  Learn to limit your data set.  It will eliminate the procrastination excuse.  And that alone is a huge victory.

5. Look Up
For thousands of years humans have looked up for guidance in their most personal and difficult moments.  I did some research on this.  Apparently 84% of us have some kind of religion, Deity, or belief in a universal consciousness that’s bigger than we are.  I can tell you for myself that it’s helped me move beyond my own moments of self-doubt, anxiety, fear, and stuckness.  If this isn’t for you that’s fine, but it might be worth a try.  The barriers to membership are low, there are no annual fees, and no pesky passwords to remember.  It works for me and it might work for you too.  I highly recommend it.



Posted on August 26, 2019 at 11:13 pm
Stephen Hicks | Category: Living | Tagged , ,

The Do’s and Don’ts of Hiring a Contractor

Constructing or remodeling a home is a complex, expensive endeavor. Ideally, everything goes as planned, and when the dust clears, the homeowner can settle in and enjoy the new home — and never think about the building process again.

But what happens when, nine months after the owner moves in, the floor develops a crack, the dishwasher begins to leak or the shower water won’t run hot? Or when these things happen three years later? It’s time to refer to an all-important piece of the contract: the warranty.

What Is a Warranty?

The purpose of a warranty is to protect both the homeowner and the builder — homeowners from shoddy work with no recourse; builders from being liable for projects for the rest of their lives.

A warranty may be included in a contract, or it may not be since it’s not required. There is no standard length of time for one. Rather, a warranty is a negotiable portion of the overall agreement (contract) between a homeowner and a contractor.

The laws that relate to warranties are somewhat vague and vary by state, so the advantage of having one as part of the contract is that everything can be clearly spelled out. However, by agreeing to a particular warranty without understanding its finer points, owners may inadvertently limit the protections they would have otherwise had under the law.

“A warranty describes the problems and remedies for which the builder will be responsible after completion of the project, as well as the duration of the warranty and the mechanism for addressing disputes,” says David Jaffe, vice president of legal advocacy at the National Association of Home Builders.

At least in the ideal case.


The Law Governing Warranties

Before homeowners agree to a particular warranty as part of their contract, it’s important to understand what protections they already have under the law. In the U.S., we have a legal concept of an implied warranty — which is a warranty that does not have to be spelled out in the contract but is simply understood to exist thanks to the law. There are two important implied warranties when it comes to home construction.

The first is the implied warranty of good workmanship, which is the reasonable expectation that a home will be built in a workmanlike manner. The second is the implied warranty of habitability, which is the reasonable expectation that the home will be safe to inhabit.

The implied warranties, however, have limits in the form of statutes of limitation and statutes of repose, which essentially are time clocks that determine for how long a homeowner may sue a contractor.

Statutes of limitation in each state dictate how long an owner can invoke various types of legal claims — for example, a breach of contract claim.

Statutes of repose apply specifically to construction projects and set the time for which builders and designers are liable for their product. These also vary by state. In California, the statute of repose is four years for most defects, but 10 years for latent defects (those that aren’t observable right away, such as a faulty foundation). In Georgia, the statute of repose is eight years for all claims related to the design or construction of the building.

Finally, most states also have a right to repair law, which means that before homeowners can sue a contractor, they need to notify the contractor of the problem and give him or her a chance to come to see it and repair it.

To find out what the laws are in your state, simply do an online search for “statute of repose” and “right to repair” in your state.


The One-Year Warranty

The key thing to understand about warranties is that many builders offer their own warranty in lieu of the implied warranty. Additionally, many contracts specify that homeowners are giving up their rights to the implied warranty by agreeing to the builder’s express warranty. Also, builders will “often try to shorten statutes of limitation and statutes of repose. Some states allow you to do that. Others don’t,” says Anthony Lehman, an Atlanta attorney who advises homeowners.

Though there is no industry-wide standard, many residential contractors have adopted a one-year warranty for their contracts. The practice likely trickled down from commercial construction, where a callback warranty is typical. A callback warranty means that within one year, a building owner has the right to call back the contractor and expect him or her to repair work, Lehman says.

The downside for homeowners who agree to a one-year warranty is that they likely trade away their right to the implied warranty, and they may also agree to limit the time they have to discover a defect and sue. Obviously, this is a plus for builders because it limits their risk.

But there is no real reason a homeowner has to accept a one-year warranty simply because that’s the builder’s first offer. “It’s a negotiated point, and people can negotiate warranties that are broader — and they often do,” says Robert C. Procter, outside general counsel for the Wisconsin Builders Association. “If you don’t ask for more, you won’t get more.”


Pros and Cons of a Builder’s Warranty

Though a one-year warranty may seem like a poor deal for a homeowner, a contract with details spelled out does provide an upside: some degree of clarity in the process. Ideally, a warranty includes not only the time period that the warranty covers, but also the standards by which various materials will be evaluated, and the steps to follow when a problem arises.

In a minority of states, the legislature has codified what a warranty is and how long it lasts for a variety of materials, Jaffe says. They are California, Connecticut, Indiana, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Minnesota, Mississippi, New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Texas, and Virginia. If you live in one of these states, you can refer to the state-set standards.

If you do not, one option is to refer to the NAHB’s publication Residential Construction Performance Guidelines. “It’s broken down by categories within the home: foundations, exterior, interior, roofing, plumbing,” Jaffe says. “If there’s an issue that comes up, you look in this publication, and it tells you what the observation is — what’s the problem.” The guide then spells out what the corrective measure — if any — should be.

If you decide to use this guide as the standards by which problems will be judged, be sure you read it first and are comfortable with its terms. Sometimes having the terms spelled out is simpler than relying on the implied warranty because the implied warranty is so vague.

“The implied warranty doesn’t have a fixed time; it’s a reasonable period of time,” says Jaffe, of the NAHB. “If you’re a homeowner, and you call your builder up in year five and say, ‘There’s a crack here, and I think you should come out and fix it because it’s a defect,’ well, at that point, it may or may not be related to something that the builder did or didn’t do. Is it a defect? Who is going to make that determination? What is the fix? Who is responsible for it?”

Relying on the implied warranty means that these sorts of questions would need to be resolved in court if the parties aren’t willing to, or can’t, come to an agreement on their own. Open for debate is whether an item is a warranty item, and for how long it’s covered. Having these issues determined in court can be an expensive, time-consuming headache for everyone involved.

Still, some attorneys say owners might be better off with the implied warranty than giving up their rights for a limited one provided by the builder. “You build a house, and you expect it to be there for a long time. The buildings in Europe have been there a long time. The pyramids have been there a long time. The question is how long is it reasonable for you to expect it to last,” says Susan Linden McGreevy, an attorney in Kansas City, Kansas, who specializes in commercial real estate work. “If it has to get before a jury, the contractor has lost already. What I mean is, the jury will always find in favor of a homeowner — unless they’re a real flake.”


Going Beyond Warranties

Despite all this talk of legalities, there is an important caveat: Many good builders will continue to be helpful even after their express warranty has passed. Anne Higuera, co-owner of Ventana Construction in Seattle, provides a one-year warranty to her clients. Nonetheless, Ventana has made repairs and fixes even years after the one-year warranty expired. Higuera says the company does so because the builders want good relationships with their customers, and because they feel as though it’s the right thing to do. “Warranty issues come up very rarely if you do things well in the first place,” Higuera says. “Just finding a contractor who does the right thing on the front end helps you avoid issues with warranty.”


More Ways to Protect Yourself

So what should homeowners do if a builder is offering only a one-year warranty? One option is to negotiate for a longer period of time. “You might want to say, ‘I’ll take a one-year warranty for everything except latent defects,’” McGreevey says. (Reminder: Those are the kind that take a long time to discover, such as foundation problems.)

Another option owners have is to ask builders about insurance products. Many builders offer products with an extended warranty — as long as 10 years — that is backed by insurance companies. These are typically paid for by the builder, with the cost passed on to the homeowner.

Third, homeowners would be wise to consult an attorney to make sure that they’re not giving up rights unknowingly. Given that owners are spending thousands to hundreds of thousands of dollars on construction, paying for five to 10 hours of an attorney’s time (at $300 per hour, $1,500 to $3,000) to ensure that the contract is sound is probably a good investment. “Would you buy a car for $50,000 and not read any of the financing information?” says Lehman, the Atlanta attorney. “And then people do that for a home construction project.”

Finally, the most important thing is for both contractors and owners to screen each other carefully. “Ninety-eight percent of the homeowner-builder relationships, when there’s a disagreement, most parties reach a reasonable conclusion, even if they’re not 100 percent happy,” says Procter, the Wisconsin attorney. “The contracts matter more when someone is not being reasonable.”

Posted on March 27, 2019 at 12:40 am
Stephen Hicks | Category: Living | Tagged , , , , , ,